How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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