Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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