we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
