drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
