he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
