whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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