you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
