I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
