My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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