i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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