I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
