My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
