I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
