I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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