A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
