Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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