no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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