I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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