I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
