Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
