Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need moral support for this bender
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
