Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
