dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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