ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
