she told me i tasted like america
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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