hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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