i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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