I hate all girls vehemently.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
