Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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