well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Fuck appropriateness.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
