you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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