Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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