Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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