The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
