Just fell off a train. Bad.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
