I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize