I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
