it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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