I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
