im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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