Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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