Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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