I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
