Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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