There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
