this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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