Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
