Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
