I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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