her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
