alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
