i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
