I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
