I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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