Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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