After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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