I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize