Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
