So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
