You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
