Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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