better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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