First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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