You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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