My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
