So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
