Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
