So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
