Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
