I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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