First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
