he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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